Another Angel in the Outfield

On May 28th we lost a sister, Pamela Brown. She was an avid sports fan; loved the New England Patriots and our local Portland Sea Dogs. The Corona virus impacted her health in more ways than our family really knew until the end. She had been laid off from her job and all sporting events had been cancelled. Isolation hit her hard emotionally and physically. We know she is no longer in pain.

June 2nd marked the 17 month anniversary of our daughter’s (Jessica Heath) death.. I have a way of honoring this day each month. Some months are emotionally more challenging than others. They are all difficult though I know, she too, is no longer in pain. We made it through Mother’s Day. Her birthday is coming up. Each holiday is unique and we continue, as a family and as friends, to honor her life and her presence in our lives.

June 8th is the second anniversary of my mother-in-law’s death (Betty Gaudet). Pamela, Jessica and Betty were all at Gosnell Hospice House at the end of their lives. July 16th marks the 2nd anniversary of another special woman, Judi Heath, our son-in-law’s mother who passed away in Comfort Care. We know they were all held in gentle, caring hands.

Anniversaries are important markers for me. As I reflect on the idea of impermanence, I understand with my mind that all things come to an end. This does not, however, take away the pain of losing someone or something I love. There are times that my heart physically hurts. There are still times when loss takes over with sadness and tears. (I call these “grief bursts) The good news is that there are more days when I can move forward through the sadness more easily and recall the loving memories (“love bursts”). In all of these changes, my goal is to find meaning for me in what was and hope for what will be.