Change

Recently I was listening to an interview with an author of a new book (actually I was half listening because I was multi-tasking). What I took away from the interview was a quote mentioned about pain. I didn't get the exact wording though it went something like "pain leaves a lesson".

I find power in this statement. This past year with Covid and all the changes we have endured has made us (and I mean "forced" us) to change. Even those individuals who choose not to comply with CDC recommendations have had to face some change in their lives; whether or not to comply. We have all experienced some level of pain through change. It is a bonus if you can find a lesson in that.

Since I can remember, I have had a hard time accepting change in my life. When my family made a move out of state when I was 16, I had a job, a boyfriend and absolutely no desire to move from my childhood home and all my friends, but I did what I could to manage the change. I packed my bedroom and included every little thing; even the dust bunnies! I threw nothing away!! At that age, I felt I had little power so I did what I felt I could to survive this big life change in my own way.

When my daughter was in her second round of cancer treatment, I managed changes on a regular basis whether or not I was even aware of what I was doing. Life was a bit chaotic at times with appointments and keeping up on daily responsibilities. I look back now and see how much I denied where we actually were in her process of dying. There are moments I want to re-do, and yet I know I cannot. She showed me, in her own way, a sense of acceptance and grace that I could not get to until only recently when I am able to see the lessons in all that I (and our family) endured to make her last months and days meaningful for all of us.

Spring is the time for renewal. There is new life in plants, days are longer and warmer and yet I feel a sense of something missing too. With each season there is change. This is inevitable and I can't collect ALL the things I would like in order to make the transition from season to season easier for me. I can, however, be mindful of the motions I go through during these times of change. I can also honor what I am not able to manage. There is power in all the motions.