It has been six months since we visited Aruba with Jessica, her family, our son, Jeremy, and our longtime friend, Nicole. Aruba has been a special place for our family for over 15 years. I have so many great memories.

Floyd and I recently were in Aruba again with family and friends. I brought along some "Jessica ashes" and scattered them in one of our favorite spots. I found myself emotional as I reflected on that trip last year and how it came about. (There is more info on http://caringbridge.org under Jessica Heath from the journal I kept throughout her last year+)

At her last MRI in late October of 2018, treatment was discontinued and she began Hospice care. One of her requests was to travel so we booked the trip for early November. I busied myself, updating passports and making the arrangements to accommodate her wheelchair on the plane and at the resort. I also booked a family trip for Thanksgiving in New Hampshire. It was only when we returned from both of those trips that I realized I had distracted myself with all the planning and not really allowed myself to absorb the fact that her condition was terminal. Funny how we protect ourselves living in denial even though I was so involved in her daily life.

Since Jessica's death in January, I have only just begun to understand the immense life change that comes with losing a child or any loved one for that matter. There are numerous "secondary losses". Taking on Jessica's role in our family business has been a HUGE learning curve for me. So often I have wanted to call or text her a question as I attempt to piece together the work she did with what I do now. I am managing better overall. Yet, grief doesn't have an expiration date. I am just beginning to accept that there are going to be days that are better than others.