The day began with tears and ended with smiles.  I anticipated I would cry with the mere thought of not hearing from or seeing Jessica to celebrate Mother’s Day after 34 years with her.   I had not planned on getting worked up watching the news in the morning.  While the hosts sent video messages out to their mom’s thanking them and wishing them a happy day, it got to me.   I took some time to let it out.  That did make it a bit challenging to move on without welling up at times through the morning.  I busied myself preparing lunch and when my mom and the grandkids arrived, once again, I welled up and also smiled. 

The kids helped with planting flowers in pots.  We made some artsy Mother’s Day cards for the three women not with us and burned them in the fire pit so the smoke could travel up to them.  We placed the river rocks from Jessica’s service out in our lakeside garden. This is something we can continue for other celebrations as there is plenty of space to fill with these beautiful messages written in/on stone. 

I believe we all felt the absence of these three losses;Jessica, my mother-in-law, Betty and Eric’s mom, Judi.  Speaking their names and remembering storiesabout them was helpful for me.  By theend of the afternoon, my heart was feeling fuller and my eyes a littledryer.